tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post5552000125258104681..comments2024-01-02T23:04:02.489-08:00Comments on The Narcissist's Child: Narcissists feel entitledSweet Violethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08321094659806702782noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-71040174535990399662016-02-03T09:28:34.971-08:002016-02-03T09:28:34.971-08:00Wow. Thank you for this site Violet. I am not a ch...Wow. Thank you for this site Violet. I am not a child if narcissists but I think my in-laws might be. My wife's parents are both in their 90s and are the most selfish seniors I have ever met. My wife, I suspect, is the proverbial 'scapegoat', and her middle brother is the GC. Her oldest brother displays behavior that shows a sense of entitlement but may not be narcissistic. He was, however, married to an NPD/BPD personality for 12 years. <br /><br />We live with my wife's mother at my wife's insistence. Her 90+ year old mother displays some behavior that shows selfishness & self-righteousness at the least, and narcissism at worst. She does not respect boundaries (but my wife will not enforce them either; the house has been willed to her & my wife does not want to lose that). She has kicked my stepdaughter's toys across a room or threatened to throw them out, but when held accountable by my wife she will either deny it or say that it is her right. I do not trust this woman with any of my things; I work on collectible model kits which cannot be easily 'put away' and do not trust her mother to leave them alone. There is no space for me to do anything as both my wife & her mother are borderline hoarders. She makes rude statements about 'you people [insert imaginary slight here]', but walks away huffily when my wife chastised her for her rudeness. She thinks elderly people can't be rude or if they are they have a good reason. I have almost taken this toxic woman's head off, but my wife rushes to her mother's defence. My wife's mother, in true narcissistic fashion, NEVER APOLOGIZES for anything - after all, she is NEVER WRONG.<br /><br /> My wife's father lives in his own home and my wife looks after him in a manipulative scheme with her mother to help funnel his $ to her older brother (with father's approval) to renovate a house my wife bought him. The trouble is, her father expects me to look after him too, as does my wife, and attempts by me to stand up to my wife and her parents have ended very badly for me. I have been seriously injured looking after this old man - almost to the point of losing a career - but my wife & her parents did not care and insisted on my continued help. They denied that the repeated heavy labor had ANYTHING to do with my injury. I had a short-lived attempt at separation after which my wife became a control freak, refusing to let me visit my parents in another state (she blames them for the short-lived separation) and denying that her mother & father were in any way responsible for that. <br /><br />I think that, although my wife has been the scapegoat and is still fighting for parental approval that will never come, is either too scared or has been conditioned by her (possibly) narcissistic father & mother to put them ahead of her marriage. My feeling have been largely irrelevant to my wife & her family and my stepdaughter is beginning to show some of these traits in the way she treats me (she is 12). My wife has even used the old phrase 'what's yours is mine & what's mine is mine'. I don't know if it was a joke or not but it didn't feel like one.<br /><br />I have been in therapy for 3 years trying to figure out how to deal with a family like this. It feels like the deck is stacked against me at times. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-30898911027280940442014-12-18T17:50:53.114-08:002014-12-18T17:50:53.114-08:00Boy can I relate to the lack of privacy you talk a...Boy can I relate to the lack of privacy you talk about, and yes, in our house it was only one way too. I used to dread leaving the house for extended periods of time; like sleeping over at a friends, or going away on camp, or staying with my grandma during the school holidays because when I came back, she had ALWAYS searched my room looking for evidence of my 'misbehaviour'. I'll never forget the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach when I'd go up to my room after I'd been away and seeing all of the things I'd be in trouble for lined up on my bed. In the early years of high school I had developed the beginnings of an eating disorder because of the stress, and I was stashing my lunch secretly in the bottom of my school bag until I could dispose of it later. When she found out, instead of asking what was wrong and trying to get me some help, she screamed at me for almost an hour and the gave me the silent treatment for days. The silent treatment, combined with big long lectures about how I'd broken her trust and would have to earn it back, were among Mum's favourite ways to discipline my brother and I. She'd never be able to specify what we'd have to do to 'earn' back her trust, or how long it would take. The punishment seemed to change every day and we never new what to expect. It got that my brother and I could never predict what would happen next, and then we were afraid all of the time.<br /><br />Later on I found out she had told almost all of her friends and friends of the family about my "crime" and so they all scolded me for wasting good food and being so ungrateful to my mother every time they saw me too. It meant that nowhere was safe and no one was safe either. I've always had problems with guilt and shame and this whole situation just exacerbated that a million times over. I felt very small, very bad and totally unlovable.<br /><br />I wasn't allowed to keep a diary unless she could read it, because that would mean secrets between the two of us. I wasn't even allowed to close my bedroom door when I slept. She said that was because it made the hallway dark; but really, it was just because she didn't want me to have any privacy. Complete and utter physical, mental , emotional and spiritual obedience was what was required from my brother and I, but we never knew what the rules were so lived in a state of constant fear. Those patterns are very hard to reverse as an adult...PhD. Candidatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11610297693739732813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-7645218911023422372012-04-16T00:07:42.595-07:002012-04-16T00:07:42.595-07:00Thank you for your comment, Liberty.
As I have tr...Thank you for your comment, Liberty.<br /><br />As I have travelled this path of enlightenment with respect to narcissists and their interaction with their children, I have repeatedly found myself shocked and amazed at how alike our stories are. And while the specific details of our life stories may vary, the general behaviour of our narcissistic parents seem pretty uniform. In discussions with other daughters, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "my mother used to do (or say) the same thing!" It is as if they all went to the same school of motherhood.<br /><br />Growing up with a narcissistic parent can make you feel isolated. Nobody can believe your mother does the things you may complain about unless YOU provoked her. You end up feeling blamed for your own victimization. It is only through the wonders of the internet that we are now finding that we are not only not alone, but that our numbers are legion. <br /><br />Thank you again for your comment and believe me, you and I are not alone in those scary memories--we have a tragic amount of company!Sweet Violethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08321094659806702782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-89477697993987466352012-04-13T05:03:20.548-07:002012-04-13T05:03:20.548-07:00Your blog describes so many incidents in my own li...Your blog describes so many incidents in my own life that it is scary. <br />I am weeping for both of us.<br />Hugs<br />LibertyLiberty Freedomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03872242007943407253noreply@blogger.com