tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post914489541084437698..comments2024-01-02T23:04:02.489-08:00Comments on The Narcissist's Child: Information, pleaseSweet Violethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08321094659806702782noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-44500993083724073152015-12-07T06:00:57.970-08:002015-12-07T06:00:57.970-08:00Clara, thanks for replying to 46 Memories. What yo...Clara, thanks for replying to 46 Memories. What you told about your NM stopping just short of leaving marks with her hitting reminded me of something. My NM used to brag about being able to whip me without leaving a mark. Like many DoNM I was hit many times daily by NM and GC, but not in front of others. Gotta keep up appearances.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-46332877881221892762014-12-14T00:28:29.677-08:002014-12-14T00:28:29.677-08:00I like that "I really have been abused even i...I like that "I really have been abused even if the evidence was not criminal".<br /><br />I think that's such an important point. It helps us remember how severe and painful and damaging abuse can be, even if there are no physical scars to prove it.<br /><br />I struggle a lot with that. I know my mother has hurt me purposefully countless times. I know she has betrayed me and robbed me (actually, that IS criminal!) and insulted me and everyone/everything I love. I know she has set me up for failure, and destroyed every single event/day that has ever been important for me.<br /><br />Deep down inside I know how evil she is. But every once in a while a little bit of doubt comes over me. I can't help but wonder if it's just me, my "wild imagination" or simply that I'm exaggerating and being a "bad daughter" (as she always liked to call me). And it makes me feel so, so horrible :(.unschoolingmenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-33248913995380467492014-04-06T13:15:33.141-07:002014-04-06T13:15:33.141-07:00Violet,
"What you write is not a betrayal of...Violet,<br /><br />"What you write is not a betrayal of anyone else as you have every right to record your life and nobody else has a right to expect you not to." <br /><br />I need to hear this. I just discovered your blog on Thursday. After reading the first few of your 46; I was so overwhelmed with my own so similar memories that it sent my mind into a very dark place. Fortunately, I was able to pull myself out as I've been participating in a recovery from codependence program for the last three years. I've often referred publicly to my mother as a "dominating matriarch". I've spent a lot of time wondering why she behaves as she does. I'm slowly reading your 46. Thank you so much for sharing your intimate thoughts. It is very validating, and for me very overwhelming. I take a break when it becomes too difficult. I never considered my mother an N. I never actually knew much about Narcissism. I think I just thought it was a male disorder and usually involved uncanny scary violence. My mother yelled and screamed every day; she would hit often but nearly always stopped short of wounds or bruising that might give her away.<br /><br />I'm going to finish reading your blog. Then I'm going to write out my own memories. I'm glad to hear that writing about it will not be a betrayal. Just thinking about my past, I hear myself whispering lest anyone hear (huh, I'm thinking within myself ~ who is going to hear?) Yet I'm scared. I really have been abused even if the evidence was not criminal.<br />Blessings SweetViolet<br />& again thanks for sharing.<br />-ClaraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-40680576284046092762012-10-05T00:45:28.816-07:002012-10-05T00:45:28.816-07:00"Right now, I know that I am not OK. I'm ..."Right now, I know that I am not OK. I'm not where I want to be, and not where I think I can be..."<br /><br />First step of recovery, acknowledgement and recognition, completed!<br /><br />You are already on your way before you even knew it.<br /><br />Going for a private blog where you can just write it all out is a good choice. Let me give you a hint for the tough stories: when I was in therapy and could come to a memory I just couldn't articulate, my therapist would tell me to put it in the third person. By disassociating from it a little, by making the story about someone else rather then me, I could get it out. <br /><br />I found myself stuck in writing the 46 memories and found that if I made them about another person, the pain wasn't quite so deep. I owned the stories later, after they were out of my head and into the computer. The first task was to purge them. So, if you find yourself sitting there staring at the screen and unable to write because you are too much in contact with the pain, try shifting to an "observer" position--it really does dull the painful parts and makes it easier to write.<br /><br />Also, you don't have to do the stories in chronological order. Just write what you are feeling when you are feeling it. You can rearrange them into chronological order later, if that is important to you. Don't create rules for yourself--the writing doesn't have to be publication quality (you can fix that later if you decide to publish). Just WRITE--let it come out of your heart and through your fingers onto the screen. Don't delete ANYTHING you have written until it has gotten cold---6 weeks or more---and you re-read it. What you write is not a betrayal of anyone else as you have every right to record your life and nobody else has a right to expect you not to. Just write and keep on writing--it took me 46 memories to feel purged--you may need more...you also may need fewer.<br /><br />Just write Charity--in a private blog you can be more honest about your experiences and your feelings that anywhere else because there is no one to judge you but YOU. Just write....<br /><br />Hugs<br /><br />VSweet Violethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08321094659806702782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-24389356372499789792012-10-04T20:35:32.612-07:002012-10-04T20:35:32.612-07:00I relate to this, too. My IQ used to be 156. I say...I relate to this, too. My IQ used to be 156. I say "used to be," because I've had a couple of concussions and a mini-stroke since I took the proctored Mensa IQ test in 1979, and I can tell that I'm not nearly as smart as I was. Sometimes, in fact, I am appallingly stupid.<br /><br />But I've heard those words too, after taking an apptitude test as part of a job application. "Yours is probably the highest score we have ever seen on this test... Someone as bright as you are…you’d find it boring, uninteresting, and you probably wouldn’t be with the company long enough to justify our cost of training you." <br /><br />I was also given the "girls don't need a college education, you will have a husband to support you, your brothers need the education so they can support their own families" spiel.<br /><br />Anyway, back to the here and now... I've decided to make my blog private, at least for a while. In the past few days I've had some triggering experiences which have forced me to realize that I am far more psychologically broken than I previously knew. So I'm going to do what you did, focus on writing my memories as they come to mind, without having to worry about people reading and responding to my posts.<br /><br />Right now, I know that I am not OK. I'm not where I want to be, and not where I think I can be, with some extra effort. I am extremely dysfunctional in almost every way, today. Intensive therapy is what I need. You have inspired me to go for it. I was on the brink of giving up, when I started reading your 46 memories. But if you can be as stable as you are, after all that you have gone through, then I am not hopeless, after all.<br /><br />Thank you for sharing your story and giving me hope.<br /><br />I'm now going to continue reading the rest of your 46 Memories.<br /><br />Hugs and Love ~ MeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com