tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post1978244526678912546..comments2024-01-02T23:04:02.489-08:00Comments on The Narcissist's Child: The Flying Monkeys in Your Life Sweet Violethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08321094659806702782noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-8205004154307976082018-10-10T02:37:58.676-07:002018-10-10T02:37:58.676-07:00I'm very lucky in that my mother seems to have...I'm very lucky in that my mother seems to have not found an FM I didn't think of before going NC. Most of my extended family are dad's blood family and she was never the best at nurturing bonds wth them. The only possible exception is my late uncle's widow, who sees my mother as a real friend. I think she was suckered when she was at her most vulnerable but I don't try to push the narrative.<br /><br />My sister showed all the signs from my university years, where she was used to hoover me in and beyond. She laps up my mother's excuses wth no more critical thought than the family dog, and my brother is just lazy. In my absence he's the ignored/scapegoat, but seems subconsciously keen to put me back into the SG post when I'm around (though he doesn't seem aware of what he's doing, which shows no critical thinking). I also blocked her friends from my phone and I pruned my FB friends of her friends' children, among others.<br /><br />So far, nothing, and I hope that it stays that way, but at nearly 3 months it is early days.Samanthanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-29441733950487101432018-08-29T18:56:02.300-07:002018-08-29T18:56:02.300-07:00You can not believe how devestated I am right now...You can not believe how devestated I am right now. I NPD Ignoring Mother is on her death bed and my Enabling Step Father thru me out of the ICU after 3 years of NC telling me I am basically a lying scumbag and they both have tainted my children who are now adult flying monkeys and I had to change my phone and shut my facebook down because I can't take being attacked by the flying monkeys. It was what my Mom wanted. Shes nearly dead and my own family and trying to pick me apart like vultures. My oldest son. He has broken my heart. My heart hurts so bad. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18102998607917474736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-29448795740093904572018-08-29T18:55:19.422-07:002018-08-29T18:55:19.422-07:00You can not believe how devestated I am right now...You can not believe how devestated I am right now. I NPD Ignoring Mother is on her death bed and my Enabling Step Father thru me out of the ICU after 3 years of NC telling me I am basically a lying scumbag and they both have tainted my children who are now adult flying monkeys and I had to change my phone and shut my facebook down because I can't take being attacked by the flying monkeys. It was what my Mom wanted. Shes nearly dead and my own family and trying to pick me apart like vultures. My oldest son. He has broken my heart. My heart hurts so bad. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18102998607917474736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-27625464498129371232018-08-19T01:54:20.363-07:002018-08-19T01:54:20.363-07:00Thanks for writing this piece on NMs and their FMs...Thanks for writing this piece on NMs and their FMs. I’m trying to go NC with my NM. After reading this I realised that My father is a dupe FM and some of my maternal uncles and aunts are evil FMs who are doing all the things possible to destroy me and my other siblings like spreading false information, spying, sending threats, incessant calls and messages to tell us how awful children we all are and how badly we have treated our mother. My mother is passing on all possible information that she gathered from our lives all these years to her FMs to defame us and shame us publicly. My mother has also created a Facebook group of all close and extended family members and my friends and is threatening me to give up or else she would post horrible lies about me and my siblings and destroy our social lives. But I’m not giving up for the fear of losing irrational family and friends and let her have her way. She had been NM since our childhood but my father always made sure that we came back to her after every abuse. But the positive thing is that all my siblings and I have now identified the NM and her FMs and have decided to go NC with all of them. It’s true that people in general are not ready to believe that there truly exists N people and FMs unless they have to deal with one or more. That’s why we don’t explain anything to anyone and have decided to just go far away from these people. It means breaking ties with both of our parents and a lot of family and friends but there’s no other way out. My two sisters are already dealing with depression, anxiety and panic disorders coz of my NM. I have to take care of them and help them get back to their normal lives so that we can live peaceful and contented lives. Silver moonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04700922723953579680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-3477537137845158752018-03-05T10:54:41.349-08:002018-03-05T10:54:41.349-08:00I have a friend with 4 children. Her narc ex has ...I have a friend with 4 children. Her narc ex has taken the 3 older kids and alienated them from her through triangulation. The daughter is the golden child, very much like her dad. The middle child (oldest boy) is the scapegoat. The 4 of them bully him, use mob tactics to demean and devalue him. The 3rd child is the flying monkey. He does NOT want to do it, but is afraid of his dad and the repurcussions - if they made one the scapegoat, they can make him one too. He is an unwilling flying monkey but he does a great job of being one - spying on his mother, recording conversations, being a bully to her, etc. He does this one day, next day he comes crying apologizing saying he doesn't want to do it but his dad forces him to. The youngest thankfully is immune to this, as he has special needs so is of no use to the narc dad.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-9493585857092846402018-01-20T09:56:11.213-08:002018-01-20T09:56:11.213-08:00My mother is a ruthless malignant narcissist and s...My mother is a ruthless malignant narcissist and she has gobs of flying monkeys. I am the scapegoat and has been exiled from the family based on pure slander and her agenda to destroy me. Well, I can tell you I am completely no contact with them all and have accepted the fact I'm 'not in the will' and I am so happy to have these toxic people out of my life. I am so sorry about what your mother did to you Sweet Violet. Thank you for your great post you wrote about flying monkeys. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-80740449025116568872017-08-27T20:52:05.968-07:002017-08-27T20:52:05.968-07:00I just recently came to realize I have a NM. I won...I just recently came to realize I have a NM. I won't go into the 35 years of it all, but it's been bad. I always knew something was up with my mom, but now I know for sure it wasn't me. After 35 years I can finally believe that it wasn't ME!! I've been trying LC, which hasn't been working, so I think I need to move to no contact. I've blocked her phone calls and texts, now I'm waiting for my flying sibling monkeys to attack. <br /><br />My sister already went off on me two weeks ago - about how poorly I treat my mother. Then, my mother attacked. I'm 9 months pregnant with my second daughter, and they did this same thing when my first daughter was born. Luckily I'm long distance (10 hours away), so I think I'll text them announcing the arrival of my daughter, then go NC with all of them. How else can I protect me and my family from this behavior?! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-63113766583319310892017-07-27T06:24:07.962-07:002017-07-27T06:24:07.962-07:00After ten years of marriage, I can finally put a n...After ten years of marriage, I can finally put a name to what my MIL is. My husband and I thought she was a control freak. But after doing something major-league wrong and being called on it, she got up and left the room. Her husband kicked us out of their house. Then the flying monkeys started. My husband kept calling them messengers. She refused to admit her wrongdoing or even talk to us face to face. After the first flying monkey called me names, that was the end for me, especially since they refused to talk to both of us. It's like they're trying to split us apart. Fat chance. We rarely ever went over there, partially because of her desire to crap all over everything good. After the second FM, that was the end for my husband. We decided on No Contact, and we intend to keep it that way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-66825173373527711322017-04-01T10:25:54.660-07:002017-04-01T10:25:54.660-07:00Thank you, thank you for sharing your story! So he...Thank you, thank you for sharing your story! So heart breaking to read and I truly empathise with everything you said. I do hope you got your kids back in the end?! This Post is exactly the response I need to all those who ask me "If you know how your mother's mind works, that its all a 'fault' in her personality...Do you think you could go back into the relationship with your eyes open and deal with it all more easily ?" Ha! ...You/I/We will NEVER, NEVER, EVER see it coming! whatever it is they have plotted for us, and believe me, if they are breathing, they are plotting your next downfall! No matter how closely your IQ matches theirs...You will rarely, if ever be able to intercept them- And if you do...Get ready to face The Wall of Denial/Narcissistic Rage. And I hope you have a strong emotional and mental constitution lol! Your experience may sound extreme to some, but My own NM already once reported my now flying monkey brother and sister in law to social services...People who have not experienced a Narc at close quarters themselves have no idea how dangerous they can be. And your right, its not always the 'big' things they do to hurt you, but the slow brainwashing and gradual eroding of your confidence, self esteem and happiness. I'm only 8 months in to NC- My Second time around after the epic fail of re-connecting. Already noticing HUGE changes in my outlook on life. I too, have had to delete from social media, change my phone number and am considering moving far, far away from my entire family, sadly, on account of NM's flying monkey recruitment program/smear campaigns. Its taking me a while to adjust to accepting that some outsiders/future friends may think that, because its just me that left them all...It must be me that has the problem, right? At least that is the impression I have got now and then...this could be oversensitivity on my part, brought on by living in a constant state of paranoia about whom I can trust- but I'm learning to let other people's opinions who know nothing about me slide, which is leading to true self-confidence at last! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-26347596774545604052017-03-21T12:06:47.763-07:002017-03-21T12:06:47.763-07:00Sad my mom took my kids, turned them against me. T...Sad my mom took my kids, turned them against me. Taught them she was their mom and they are defiently the little flying monkeys in my life going as far as to record any interesting conversation I have secretly from their phone to give to my mom. My kids are 18,16, and 13. They live with her. My 7 year old she has NOTHING to do with. She says its not her fault I had another child and she already takes care of my oldest 3 full time. She has no time for my new daughter. Its better that way anyway.AJ Rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14976520690983515791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-8731354526839247472017-03-04T04:43:05.566-08:002017-03-04T04:43:05.566-08:00It is amazing the lengths a NM will go thru to lie...It is amazing the lengths a NM will go thru to lie, cheat, and deceive the system and how the rug gets pulled out from under you time and again. Every time we thought we were prepared a new "trick" was played and is still being played. It's like getting the wind knocked out of you time and again as you sit amazed that a person can be so devious and spiteful to their own daughter. Still going thru this mess and praying daily for the courts to see the truth. Unfortunately, the lies must be disproven before the truth will be accepted. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-71025379377316723162017-03-03T17:03:00.573-08:002017-03-03T17:03:00.573-08:00When the Narcissist has been your partner, is it c...When the Narcissist has been your partner, is it commom to be accused of being in love with your ex by his gf flying monkey? Has anyone had this experience? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-45388591807209080672017-02-20T05:15:54.263-08:002017-02-20T05:15:54.263-08:00That sounds so good, I'm going to try that mys...That sounds so good, I'm going to try that myself. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for giving me some sort of defense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-8342432891007652082016-06-03T13:21:20.900-07:002016-06-03T13:21:20.900-07:00You just described me!!! My brother is the golden ...You just described me!!! My brother is the golden child and I wasn't aware of the FM's until I started digging and joined groups related to what we deal with(NM)or (NF). You are right it is very mind blowing that people will do this and think that we have the problem!! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-19689216977991797672016-06-03T13:09:47.750-07:002016-06-03T13:09:47.750-07:00Sweet Violet, I understand what you are saying. I ...Sweet Violet, I understand what you are saying. I know that they can be underhanded and in power so to speak as they have more money and that equals more power at least in this life. I am so sorry that you went through this and I do hope you get your kids back. Hugs to you and many prayers for you! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-17310202968398924052016-06-03T13:03:37.711-07:002016-06-03T13:03:37.711-07:00You hit the nail on the head with your statement. ...You hit the nail on the head with your statement. The FM does exactly that!! Thanks for posting as I am just realizing that what I have been going through is a NM and trying to break free from years of torment and abuse. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-19533036972283276332016-03-31T09:51:28.940-07:002016-03-31T09:51:28.940-07:00Holy crap! I am blown away by your story and join...Holy crap! I am blown away by your story and joining your facebook group! I had the NM and Golden Child flying monkey brother. When NM passed away a little over a year ago, I was shocked at how my brother reacted. It is only now just starting to come into focus. I can't believe she got away with stealing your kids. Thank you for sharing your story.terriclarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04235288068060075195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-46720217538841448982016-03-02T15:04:09.442-08:002016-03-02T15:04:09.442-08:00Thank you so much for this blog. I just recently b...Thank you so much for this blog. I just recently broke up with my N friend and so much fallout happened. One of my friends that stayed behind ended up suffering from the N. Thankfully our friend group was able to get him out of it. It wasn't on the scale to this or what I guess most people end up going through but this blog has helped me understand just what was going on. I'm so much more informed now. Thank you.TaintedKanehttp://www.youtube.com/c/taintedkanenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-34397690413389817012015-12-28T03:04:47.706-08:002015-12-28T03:04:47.706-08:00My girlfriend went a time ago on LC with her "...My girlfriend went a time ago on LC with her "mother".<br />Suddenly , after a while of LC, my brother in law came to visit us, because he had to attend a studygroup nearby or something like that. So he asked if he could stop by for dinner those days. Well, ok.<br />But normally he never rings us or contact us in any way.<br />After he has been here to have his dinner, we were thinking he would come to us for dinner multiple times. But the last thing we heard was that he stopped the course and didn't have to come over for dinner at our house anymore. My gf believes all this. I am rather convinced he was a flying monkey! <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-74882585368346703252015-12-27T11:36:05.569-08:002015-12-27T11:36:05.569-08:00How can one prepare... we did have a lawyer send a...How can one prepare... we did have a lawyer send a legal no contact letter to one of the flying monkeys my husbands BIL. the lawyer also sent it to the state police and local police, the letter also included a no trespass notice- they live 4 hours from us. We have planned if husbands parents do not respect the no contact boundaries they will also have an official no contact notice also- we sent the first one to BIL because he threatened to call cys and sent it to my husbands work place and his boss opened the letter.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00212282800742824714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-71750799886457675952015-12-22T17:34:16.539-08:002015-12-22T17:34:16.539-08:00I understand this feeling. I have an N-mother and ...I understand this feeling. I have an N-mother and N-husband. I am the SG for both. The N-disorder is very insidious, it isolates its victims in a very nepharious way. The World doesn't believe because the N can hold up such wonderful public persona, and the FMs have vested interest in protecting/supporting the N. Nowhere to turn, ever. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-69458039713907028362015-12-22T17:27:37.205-08:002015-12-22T17:27:37.205-08:00Hi, you are not alone. Me too. I am 52 with an 80 ...Hi, you are not alone. Me too. I am 52 with an 80 yr old NM. My 51 yr old sister is her FM, and after a lifetime of dealing with that I am so happy to have a label for both of them. Unfortunately my 21 yr old daughter is now NM's FM. To compound matters I married an N, making him Narcissistic Husband (NH?) and my 21 yr old daughter is also his FM. I am starting to wonder if my 21 yr daughter is also an N herself? The saddest thing is, I am not actually the big loser. That title belongs to my 19 yr old son who is currently suffering deeply with mental illness. I love both my children with all my heart, but they have not been allowed to know that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-14121831111619087592015-11-18T20:26:17.045-08:002015-11-18T20:26:17.045-08:00I have been in an abusive relationship with a Narc...I have been in an abusive relationship with a Narc for 7 years. I was very alone, my thereapist and DV advocate kept advising me to find someone I could share and confide in, a friend or family member. I knew deep down that was a very bad idea to talk to my sister, I just felt it would be a mistake but then ignored my instincts and thought maybe she would be someone I could trust and would listen. I hadn't heard from my sisters for months but then I posted some things on facebook that they saw (related to DV) and all of a sudden my phone blows up with texts from them say what's going on. Well they just wanted to get the intell and do damage control. My mother is a narc and I am the scapegoat. My sisters didn't care to ask about me they just wanted my to stop posting on FB. I stopped and never heard a peep for a couple of weeks until I posted again - guess what? Text from sister asking if I want to go to lunch. I think about it and say yes then gut tell me no so I cancel and make excuse that I can't make it. Well then I am guessing my parents pushed her to get to me b/c then she asked again to have lunch and I agreed, she listened, commiserated, complained about mom and I thought oh that is so great, i feel so much better now telling her about the abuse. Well.... true to a flying monkey, text book,word for word from above article. She tells my dad what I confided in her after I specifically said DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE. Well then she lied and denied saying anything. Then I get a card from my dad and mom telling me that someone has to be big enough to step up and makes changes in counseling!!!! WTF???????? So my dad has no respect for boundaries, goes on third party info and tells my mom(the narc) now I am the problem and it's all me. Can these people be any more TOXIC. And guess what not a peep from anyone since. That sister who pretended to be supportive and listen is not speaking to me. What did I do to her? OMG Just pile it on people how much abuse can one person take??? My brother(Golden child) has disappeared suddenly and I have no idea what I did to him? I haven't even talked to him or my other sister. I am so done with these people but it is SO unfair to have them lie and gossip and add to the abuse. It is just mind blowing. I can't imagine not being there to be supportive for anyone who told me they were being abused or just even say hey are you doing ok. Nothing, just silence and betrayal!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-49071303369007379772015-11-18T17:47:14.390-08:002015-11-18T17:47:14.390-08:00I have NC with my mother and her Flying Monkeys ex...I have NC with my mother and her Flying Monkeys except that I have LC with my younger brother, who is a psychologist, ironically. Originally my elderly NM would call me and leave messages asking about my children. When I didn't return her calls, she started feigning that she was confused, saying "I'm sorry I missed your call. This darn phone!" Then, she got my younger brother to call and I just told him straight out that I thought she was feigning frailty. (I know I sound heartless. That was the plan.) Funny enough, miraculously, the confused phone calls stopped.<br /><br />Still though, my brother calls me to see how I'm doing more often then he used to. I'm glad I read this article. I was naturally suspicious about his calls, and even though I know he is an empathetic character, I'm going to be kind but give him the gray rock treatment that I learned about. It's sad that we have to resort to these things with people we care about, to protect ourselves.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4333405565931840271.post-75062373929771560792015-10-25T13:44:28.509-07:002015-10-25T13:44:28.509-07:00That depends entirely on how old your daughter is....That depends entirely on how old your daughter is.Sweet Violethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08321094659806702782noreply@blogger.com