She had worked on the card for days. It was Mother’s Day this Sunday and the whole third grade had been making cards. She had chosen a stiff white paper and made flowers of coloured tissue and stuck them on the front in a three-dimensional bouquet. She had composed a short rhyme and had carefully written it on the inside in her very best handwriting. On the front she had inscribed “Happy Moher’s Day” in crayon, with a shadow carefully drawn to the side of each letter. It was beautiful, even if she did say so herself.
On Sunday she made a pot of coffee and when she heard Mommy stirring, poured a cup and added milk and sugar until it was just as Mommy liked it. She made toast and buttered it and put a jar of jam and a spoon on the tray. As a finishing touch she added the little yellow flowers she had found in the vacant lot next door and the pretty card. Mommy should be pleased that she had spent so much time and effort just to make her happy and to feel good!
The tray was awkward, but she managed to shove the bedroom door open with her hip and not jostle the contents of the tray. She put the tray on the empty side of the bed and handed Mommy her cup of coffee and, after the first few sips were down, proudly handed Mommy the card. Mommy studied it. She opened the card and read the rhyme, then closed it and studied the front of the card again.
She quivered with anticipation. It was a beautiful card, she knew it. She had worked for days to make it just right. Any minute now Mommy would tell her how nice the card was and smile and be happy.
Moments ticked by and her anticipation began to turn to anxiety. Mommy took another sip of coffee, then looked up at her. “How do you spell ‘mother’?”
She was puzzled. “M-O-T-H-E-R” she answered.
Mommy tossed the card at her. “The least you could have done is spell it right.”
It is difficult to deal with a narcissist when you are a grown, independent, fully functioning adult. The children of narcissists have an especially difficult burden, for they lack the knowledge, power, and resources to deal with their narcissistic parents without becoming their victims. Whether cast into the role of Scapegoat or Golden Child, the Narcissist's Child never truly receives that to which all children are entitled: a parent's unconditional love. Start by reading the 46 memories--it all began there.