By Dr. Joseph M Carver, PhD
(Reproduced by permission)
Chances are,
you’re dealing with an individual with a personality disorder somewhere in your
life — whether it’s your spouse, your parent, your co-worker…even your child.
Dr Carver’s introduction to personality disorders in relationships puts the
reality in plain English; more than just a list of diagnostic criteria, this
explanation describes what it’s really like to be dealing with a personality
disorder and offers tips for victims.
Who are these people that damage us emotionally,
financially, socially, and even spiritually in relationships? Some are con
artists like Victor Lustig (1825) who sold the Eiffel Tower not once, but
twice. Some remind us of "Alex Forrest" in the movie "Fatal
Attraction" (1987) who screams "I will not be ignored!" In
mental health terms, they are Personality Disorders. This
article describes the four Personality Disorders that create the most turmoil,
damage, and emotional exhaustion in our lives.
Personality Disorders: Who Are They?
Who are these people? In romantic relationships, they are controlling, abusive,
manipulative partners who can ruin not only the relationship, but our
self-esteem, finances, and reputation. As a parent, they can put the “D” in
Dysfunctional Family and be the parent that abuses, neglects, ignores, or
psychologically damages their children. As a friend they may be irresponsible,
selfish, unreliable, dishonest, and often create significant problems in our
life. As a neighbour, they spread rumours, create disharmony in the neighbourhood,
and steal our lawnmower. As a family member, they maintain themselves as the
centre of attention and keep the family in an uproar, or they may be the 45
year old brother who has never worked and remains dependent on the family for
his support. They may be the brother or sister who verbally bullies and intimidates
others with their temper tantrums. As a co-worker they are manipulative,
unethical, dishonest, and willing to damage co-workers to achieve their
employment goals. On the street they are the criminals, con artists, and
people-users who purposefully damage others, then quickly move on to avoid
detection.
In over three decades of experience of dealing with victims, it’s clear
that the majority of emotional victims I see in clinical practice are actually
victims of an individual with a “Personality Disorder”. The “Personality
Disorder” has been around for many years. For several centuries, professionals
working with all types of people recognized that some individuals clearly
thought and acted differently — without “normal” feelings, attitudes, behaviours,
and interactions. In 1835, Dr. Pritchard suggested the term “moral insanity” to
reflect the fact that these individuals were not insane by the standards of the
day, yet had significant differences in their behaviour, attitudes, ethics,
morality, emotional expressions, and reactions to situations. Despite their
significant differences when compared to others in their culture, the
individuals exhibited little emotional or social distress.
Personality Disorders are individuals who have a long history of
personality, behaviour, emotional, and relationship difficulties.
Personality Disorders are individuals who have a long history of
personality, behaviour, emotional, and relationship difficulties. This group is
said to have a “personality disorder” — an enduring pattern of inner experience
(mood, attitude, beliefs, values, etc.) and behaviour (aggressiveness,
instability, etc.) that is significantly different than those in their family
or culture. These dysfunctional patterns are inflexible and intrusive into
almost every aspect of the individual’s life. These patterns create significant
problems in personal and emotional functioning and are often so severe that
they lead to distress or impairment in all areas of their life. (Source: Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition)
Personality Disorders are divided into three groups, or “clusters”.
- Cluster A personality disorders are individuals who have odd, eccentric behaviours. Paranoid, Schizoid, and Schizotypal Personalities fall into this cluster.
- Cluster B are personalities that are highly dramatic, both emotionally and behaviourally. Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic, and Histrionic Personality are in this group.
- Cluster C are personalities characterized by being anxious and fearful. Avoidant, Dependent, and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality fall into this cluster.
The Relationship Destroyers: Cluster B
In considering individuals who create the most damage to social and
personal relationships, the abusers, manipulators, “players”, controllers, and
losers are found in Cluster B. For this reason, this article will focus on
the behaviours associated with Cluster B personality disorders.
In the general population, the largest number of personality disorders
fall in the Cluster B group. The four personality disorders in Cluster B are:
Antisocial
Personality
A pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of
others and rules of society. The Antisocial Personality ranges from individuals
who are chronically irresponsible, unsupportive, con artists to those who have
total disregard for the rights of others and commit criminal acts with no
remorse, including those involving the death of victims. In clinical practice,
the Antisocial Personality has near-total selfishness and typically has a
pattern of legal problems, lying and deception, physical assault and
intimidation, no regard for the safety of others, unwillingness to meet normal
standards for work/support/parenting, and no remorse.
Borderline
Personality
A pervasive pattern of intense yet unstable
relationships, mood, and self-perception. Impulse control is severely impaired.
Common characteristics include panic fears of abandonment, unstable social
relationships, unstable self-image, impulsive/self-damaging acts such as
promiscuity/substance abuse/alcohol use, recurrent suicide thoughts/attempts,
self-injury and self-mutilation, chronic feelings of emptiness, inappropriate
yet intense anger, and fleeting paranoia.
Histrionic
Personality
A pervasive pattern of excessive emotional display
and attention-seeking. Individuals with this personality are excessively
dramatic and are often viewed by the public as the “Queen of drama” type of
individual. They are often sexually seductive and highly manipulative in relationships.
Narcissistic
Personality
A pervasive preoccupation with admiration,
entitlement, and egotism. Individuals with this personality exaggerate their
accomplishments/talents, have a sense of entitlement, lack empathy or concern
for others, are preoccupied with envy and jealousy, and have an arrogant
attitude. Their sense of entitlement and inflated self-esteem are unrelated to
real talent or accomplishments. They feel entitled to special attention,
privileges, and consideration in social settings. This sense of entitlement
also produces a feeling that they are entitled to punish those who do not
provide their required respect, admiration, or attention.
The majority of clients with difficulties related to their childhood
find a Personality Disorder as a parent.
When encountering the victims of emotional and physical abuse, the
Personality Disorder individual is already present in their lives as a mother,
father, sibling, spouse, partner, or relative. The majority of clients with
difficulties related to their childhood find a Personality Disorder as a
parent. For many, they have found themselves in a romantic relationship or
marriage with a Personality Disorder. Others discover they are working with a
Personality Disorder as a co-worker, supervisor, or supervisee. A smaller group
finds they are victims of the severe behaviour of a Personality Disorder and
have been assaulted, robbed, traumatized, or manipulated.
Personality Disorders are present in 10 to 15 percent of the adult
population, with Cluster B accounting for approximately 9 percent based on
research. At such a high percentage, it’s important that we learn to identify
these individuals in our lives. A failure to identify them may create
significant risk. While most of our contact with a Personality Disorder may be
brief, the more involved they are in our lives, the higher the risk of
emotional, social, and other damage. For this reason, it’s helpful to identify
some of the characteristics of a personality disorder.
Article originally accessed at http://counsellingresource.com/therapy/self-help/understanding/
Interesting and informative! Thanks for sharing this!
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