It is difficult to deal with a narcissist when you are a grown, independent, fully functioning adult. The children of narcissists have an especially difficult burden, for they lack the knowledge, power, and resources to deal with their narcissistic parents without becoming their victims. Whether cast into the role of Scapegoat or Golden Child, the Narcissist's Child never truly receives that to which all children are entitled: a parent's unconditional love. Start by reading the 46 memories--it all began there.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Accusations Against Me (Part 1)

Danu Morrigan/Tracy Culleton, operator of the website Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, after banning dozens—if not hundreds—of vulnerable women from her site’s forum without explanation, got wind of the fact that not all of these callously rejected women crawled off into dark little holes to lick their wounds. Some of them decided to fight back by publishing their experiences with her on the web, a fact that apparently sent her scrambling to do damage control. Ultimately, she published a rebuttal to the accusations she found on the web, a rebuttal that was laced with subtle and not-so-subtle untruths, and which left no space for disagreement, correction, or comment.

Herewith, the truth about Tracy’s rebuttal to the truths published on the web about her:
(My remarks are in violet, Tracy's quotes from another website are in blue)

It has come to my attention that various accusations are being made against me. My first reaction was to ignore them, but on reflection I am going to answer them here, and you can make up your own mind as to the truth of it all. I have no attachment to your end decision – I am not trying to persuade you in any way. I will just answer the accusations.

These accusations are being made at the following blog: I’m not making it a clickable link as I don’t want to help it rank in the search engines, but by all means copy and paste the link to go and see for yourself. [This link no longer functions. SoaringDove however, writes about this rebuttal here  –V]

The blog is written by a woman calling herself Soaring Dove. She was a member of my forum and was banned for persistent breaking of the Terms of Use with regard to posting religious content. She feels that this was very unfair and indeed had written a previous blog post about this. I do not have the link for that to hand but it’s no doubt still on her blog and she could point you towards it.

SoaringDove’s perception is that she was banned for being a believer, not for posting religious content, and that she and others have been banned for breaking a rule that did not, at least at the time they were members, even exist. “Danu still refuses to update her Code of Conduct to reflect how she truly feels about God and instead chooses to Gaslight members by saying that they broke a rule that doesn't even exist! Danu allows members to use God's name and the name of His Son Jesus in vain, which is attacking someone else's beliefs AND against Danu's own Code of Conduct, yet those posts are not edited -- why not? It is okay to put God & his people down on the DONM forum, but to praise God & his people for the help & blessings in one's life (especially in regards to dealing w/a Narcissistic Mother) in their own post, that will get you banned from Danu's DONM forum.” See the whole post here. -V

They have exposed my real name on this blog post, but I have changed it back to my screen-name. Also the person 'Light' that is referred to is one of the other founder-members of the forum and a moderator.

I will quote her blog post and answer the comments:
DONM members you are in danger. Danu is not who she appears to be. The following information comes from one of the original DONM (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers) moderators who knows firsthand how evil Danu is to fellow DONM members. I can confirm that Danu's real name is [my real name] I pray more and more former DONM's members will come forward to share what they know.

Obviously this is Soaring Dove's opening position, and she goes on to make her case, so I'll answer the points as she makes them.

Let me add one more very Dangerous Person to this list. She was/is a moderator of Danu's KoN [Kingdom of Narcissism-V] and she admitted to me that she knows that Danu & Light target certain individuals and their Code of Conduct is very deceiving in that people should not be attacked for what they believe.

Soaring Dove is referring to username 'Grace'. I doubt very much that she ever said that I and Light 'target individuals' or that our Code of Conduct (now known as the Terms of Use) is 'deceiving'. Even if she did say this, how could it be 'deceiving' when it was made very clear?

This is disingenuous at best. Obviously, if someone misinterprets something in it, then it is not “very clear.” SoaringDove saw nothing in the Code of Conduct that would prohibit her or others from mentioning God in context with their stories or comments. This is not the same as proselytizing and, even though I am an atheist, I do not object to other people practicing, even talking about, their faith as long as they keep it in context with their stories or, out of context, among themselves. If Tracy is an atheist and objects to any mention of God or other things religious, in order for her CoC or ToU to be “very clear,” she needs to spell this out in very specific language. I do not know the date SoaringDove was banned, but the ToU were most recently updated in March of 2010 and does allow limited religious content. However—I was banned in February of 2010 for things that were not in the CoC and so was someone else I know, so SoaringDove’s claim is entirely plausible.

Notice that Tracy does not even address the changes in the Coc, only refers to its changed name which implies that nothing else was changed. In fact, there were significant changes made, not the least of which was the prohibition of mental health professionals offering their insights—something I find especially peculiar on a site in which such input, especially free of charge, should be embraced! Anyway, you can find the current ToU (which were revised less than a month after I and a highly credentialed psychologist were banned for “offenses” not on the CoC) here. -V

I also note the loaded word 'admitted' - Grace may well have held an opinion, but that is not 'admitting' anything in the sense of admitting something shameful or hidden - it is making a statement. It is true that Grace did not agree with my policy on religion on the forum, but that was fine - we (as far as I know) agreed to differ.

Tracy’s response is entirely out of context. SoaringDove wrote: “…and she admitted to me that she knows that Danu & Light target certain individuals…” I would have to say that ‘admitted’ was the proper word this event because targeting certain individuals, singling out specific members for unkind treatment is “shameful” and quite obviously Tracy and Michelle (Light) kept it hidden from all but the admins. If you were the scapegoat child in your NM’s lair, this must have you squirming in your chair—seeing these women, who were looked up to and trusted by the membership, single out specific members for scapegoating.-V

I also need to say that nobody is attacked for what they believe. They are just asked not to share it. This applies to all faiths, not just Christianity.

As recently as 23 April of this year, the following appeared on the web via Twitter: “Beware of Danu Morrigan (Psuedo name) ‪#crooks‬ ‪#creeps‬ ‪#scamalert‬ - She hosts websites for abused people... and is persecuting Christians.” Obviously the perception persists to this day.-V

She told me she knows Danu has attacked other DONM members before I became a member and she resigned her position as Moderator (I now question whether or not that was the truth).

Again I doubt very much that Grace said I had attacked other DONM members, but even if she did, it is not true. Grace did resign as moderator, in fully amicable conditions, and…

Unfortunately, we have only Tracy’s word for Grace leaving the site amicably…and I note that she has no compunctions against calling Grace a liar: “…even if she did [say Tracy attacked members], it is not true…”. Since Tracy has blatantly lied to the membership about why I and the psychologist left the forum, since SoaringDove’s perception of her banning does not match Tracy’s, at this point I am not prepared to accept Tracy’s unsupported word…and neither should you. I know at least one moderator who asked to leave due to becoming aware of the site being a scam (more on that later) who, instead of being simply removed from her post, was also banned. And it was a great shock to her. -V

Soaring Dove has absolutely no reason to doubt this, so I don't know why she says it.
She then goes on to accuse Grace of stuff which a) is not true and b) I won't share here because it's not my place.

Whoa there! SoaringDove thinks she has good reason to doubt this—doesn’t this seem a little high handed here, substituting her perceptions for and discounting someone else’s? I smell gas here…as in gaslighting. She says it because she believes it and because she likely has heard of other people who got railroaded out of the forum under false pretenses. -V

Along with Light this person [Grace] promotes Danu as a "Healer" when they both know she is an abuser of her own members.

Neither Light nor Grace promote me as a 'Healer' or ever have. Even *I* don't promote me as a healer, with or without a capital 'H' or quotes. I am an EFT practitioner and do promote myself as such - again, more below of this.

Scroll to the bottom of this page to find the Organized Wisdom Health Site Award that Tracy, who emphatically claims not to be a healer, displays on this page. Interestingly, you won’t find it on any other pages—can you guess why? Because a bunch of people wrote to the Organized Wisdom site  with their stories of abuse at Tracy’s hands—now she not only no longer displays the award on her site (but somehow it got left behind on this page), she is no longer listed on the Organized Wisdom site as a recipient.-V

And certainly Light knows that I do not abuse my members, and I do not think that Grace holds this opinion.

I would agree that Light “knows” this because, like the Ns I have had to deal with in my own life, their definition of “abuse” and mine are light-years apart…I was one of those abused by them, so I can state that as an unequivocal fact. But isn’t that a typically N tactic, though, to change the definition of something to fit what they are doing? My NM used to “spank” me daily—in retrospect, what she called a “spanking” was, in fact, a brutal beating with a thin leather strap that left whip-like marks on my skin. She—and a few like-minded friends—would never have called it a beating, but I certainly would. So, by changing the meaning of spanking to include beating me with what was essentially was a whip she could “honestly” say she did not beat me—and if Light and Tracy are on the same page regarding the definition of abuse—that it does not include suddenly and without warning or explanation, expelling people from the forum—then they can agree that nobody is being abused, at least by their definition.-V

Grace tried to help Soaring Dove at the time she was banned from the forum, and knowing Grace (we have met in real life; I have even stayed in her house) I can assure you that this was done with integrity, compassion and a genuine desire to help. But Soaring Dove has twisted this around into a rant on her blog about Grace and Grace's so-called agenda. I won't share that here as it does not pertain directly to myself, but I can assure you all that Soaring Dove's interpretation is not true.

Oh, nasty nasty!! Casting aspersions on SoaringDove with loaded words like “twisted” and “rant” and “so-called” and then refusing to provide a link so you can’t see for yourself if is was a twisted rant, using the excuse “it doesn’t pertain directly to myself.” Gee, it was germane enough to bring up to assassinate SoaringDove’s character and make her out to be a demented whiner, eh?-V

Next up--Part 2


  1. i; I am 57 years old and finally see that the problem is not me. I'm very sad that I only recently discovered the truth about my FOO. I have a particularly aggressive form of breastr cancer and i hope that i have time to live and love life without carrying the sins of my FOO on my shoulders anymore. I so wish that I had figured out that what was so wrong with me for all of my life was actually them.
    thanks for this blog. i desperately need it.

    1. Welcome, Vicki, and thank you for writing.

      There are many, many blogs out there by people like me, each with its own unique perspective. We each have a story to tell and while each of us has her own unique journey, we all travel the same road. I encourage you to check the resources I have listed and once on another blog, see who that writer recommends.

      I am sorry to hear about your condition. My favourite cousin is suffering the same thing--it is a sad and devastating diagnosis. Rather than kick yourself for not having figured out your FOO earlier, though, perhaps you can pat yourself on the back for having figured it out and being strong enough to accept what is a terrible reality: some people live their whole lives as the unhappy victims of narcissists and never, ever figure it out!

      Whatever time you have left, be it a year or 20 years, celebrate your life and your freedom every day. Love yourself, treat yourself, be kind and gentle with yourself...give yourself everything you have deserved that has been withheld from you. Make every day count.

      And, if you haven't already done so, please accept my invitation to subscribe to the blog--that way you will get new posts as they are put up.

      Cheer and best wishes

  2. She doesn't just have it in for Christians. I'm an atheist from a Jewish background, and I got banned for mentioning in passing that I had a miserable time of it at family dinners for Rosh Hashanah and other festivals. People discussed their plans for Christmas and Easter at some length, and prayer requests are permitted, so to be honest my first response was to assume anti-semitism. Now it just seems as if it's a highly unpredictable approach to anything involving religion. I was neither a religious believer nor publishing proselytising content.

    1. Thank you for a very enlightning observation!

      Interestingly, Tracy's pseudonym, Danu Morrigan, is made up of the names of two gods, Danu being the Celtic mother goddess.

      Perhaps it is more of a "thou shalt have no other gods before me" scenario? Or just that she can (and does) ban people according her whim by labelling them, in her own words, "Ns, trolls, and troublemakers"? After the psychologist and I were banned, new rules were made up to cover what we got banned for (her for using her professional knowledge to correct Michelle, me for having a NM that was outside of Michelle's definition of an NM).

      But I have to agree with your assessment: the Christians who were banned from the DoNM forum shortly after posting something with Christian content (one woman thinks she was banned for ending a post to another woman with "God Bless", for example), think they were banned due to anti-Christian sentiment, but now you tell me you were banned after posting Jewish-themed (but not religiously oriented) material.

      I suspect not only a "highly unpredictable approach to anything involving religion," but a willingness to simply dump people with whatever excuse is handy at the moment.

      It all looks very N to me.

      PS--feel free to subscribe to the blog if you haven't already done so. That way you will get notified whenever a new post goes up. Thanks so much for stopping by.

  3. Hi Sweet Violet, I too was reprimanded and warned by Danu for writing on a thread 'my prayers and thoughts are with you". This was a while back now, and I didn't see the red flags then. What bought the red flags to my attention was Danu's carry on about the reviews of her book. She posted a link in an effort to get members to say how wonderful her book was, but later locked the thread, as she just couldn't handle the flak. BTW Danu now allows formum members to mention religion and God, even Danu posted the words 'Dear God..." in a comment on a members thread. Both Danu and Light are playing a dangerous game, giving the impression they mental health professionals.

    1. I am not surprised that "Danu" (Tracy Culleton is her real name) posted something to get forum members to put up good reviews of her book--she has always struck me as a person more than willing to manipulate others in order to get what she wants, so why wouldn't she try to get a group of people who have never read the book (or who did but weren't keen on it) to write positive reviews?

      What DOES surprise me, however, is that she got flak on it--you mean people actually spoke out against something she said or wanted? Are they still on the forum (if they are not, they probably were banned)? If you will forgive me for indulging in a little schadenfreud, now is a time I regret not being a member of the forum as it would do my heart good to see people disagree openly with her!

      I agree with you about them playing a dangerous least one member has already committed suicide (this was before my time and I have no verifiable details about it) and another member ended up in the hospital with suicidal ideation after being banned (this I have from her own account). Many of the women I have corresponded with or read who were banned had an emotional crisis as a result of the banning. In particular I take issue with Michelle's (Light's real name is Michelle Ede) writings because she does not clearly label them as opinions but presents them as fact--and I know of at least one case where a qualified mental health professional pointed out something Michelle wrote as being wrong and, rather than correct the error, Michelle let the error stand and banned the psychologist! I also know a person who was harmed by the EFT Tracy drones on and on about-- One of these days something truly tragic will happen and she won't be able to keep it under wraps--I hope no lives are lost as a result.

      Please feel free to join the blog and thank you for writing!

  4. What is it about these two women, they are so dangerous.if either of these women were smart they would welcome councellors and psychologists to add to the posts. Instead Danu and Light diagnose people they have never met as having all sorts of personality disorders. It dangerous and crazy making. Like you I hope no lives are lost.

    About her book the tread where she asked for members to post great reviews about the book on Amazon has gone. There is another thread announcing herr book, and of the 24 comments 14 were written by members who have joined the site this year and 6 of those joined in Julyand August something just doesn't sit right for me.

    in the months of julyamd August she averaged about 10 new members per day, less than half of these new members have ever posted. That's around the time her book was published and an article about her was written in the guardian. This discovery led me to go through and check members posts since the web site
    started in 2009, out of the 8639 members she claims to have less than half have ever written a post they are listed as quiet members. Then it struck me to see posts written on the forum you have to register as a member, one way to claim members. Most forums will let you read posts, it's only when you want to write something that they ask you to become a member. Also most forums will de-activate your account if you don't post after a certain time.

    Also members can't choose to deactivate their accounts themselves - Something I find controlling and limiting choices..

    It worries me that they banned a psychologist from the site,or allow people to say they are, again it's because in Danu and Lights minds they are the experts on all things DONM and personality disorders. Again I was reprimanded for saying I was a student counsellor and was disagreeing about DONMs being told to leave their therapists if they didn't agree with them that their mothers are NPD.

    IMO Danu,Light and their websites need investigating, or at the very least the general public need to be warned before becoming a member. The last thing a DONM needs is to belong to a group where two grandiose controlling women are in charge.

  5. " Then it struck me to see posts written on the forum you have to register as a member, one way to claim members. Most forums will let you read posts, it's only when you want to write something that they ask you to become a member." This a very good point and one I overlooked entirely--what a sneaky way to be able to count as members people who only came by to take a look and see if the forum/site was what they were looking for! But it goes deeper than that: I was banned in February of 2010--BANNED, mind you--and I am still listed as an active member! Same with Beccas 12, the psychologist who was banned!

    As far as deactivating the account yourself--well, they don't deactivate you when you request it, the keep the ACCOUNT active but they ban YOU.

    You are not allowed to say anything that goes against what Tracy and Michelle (Danu and Light) put out there--if you are lucky, when you do it you will just get a warning (as you did)--but if you are not so lucky, you will log on one day and find that you are permanently banned, that there is no explanation why you are permanently banned, and all of your emails to them begging for mercy, a second chance, or even just an explanation will not be answered. IF your name is brought up on the forum after this, the best you can hope for is that Tracy and Michelle won't tell everybody you are a nasty N and that they saved the members yet again from the Ns by sussing you out and banning you (which is exactly what Tracy and Michelle did with respect to Becca and me).

    You cannot tell me that this is the behaviour of a compassionate DoNM, banning people without explanation or warning, just rejecting them out of hand and slamming the door in their faces. In my opinion--and more importantly, in the opinion of Becca, the psychologist--this is egregiously narcissistic behaviour.

    I agree they need investigating--but by whom?? A couple of people I know wrote comments about Tracy on the Guardian's newspaper article, telling the truth about Tracy and her snake pit, and they were removed!! And you need only look at some of the comments on this 5-part series of articles too see how firmly up Tracy's bum some of these people are.

    Please allow me to give you a piece of advice: if there are any women in the forum you feel particularly close to, PM them and exchange private email addresses. Do it ASAP before you are banned...and don't forget...the PMs are private only between members--Admin can (and do) read them if they feel they have reason to!

    Good luck to you!



  6. Hi sweet violet
    An update on Danu, she is now planning to spartan EFT support group. The woman is getting more dangerous everyday.
    I've tried hard to push Danus buttons, but still she hasn't banned me. She did delete a thread I started, about an author saying the best thing about writing was the power it gave her. I said I found the comment very N I was goading her to see what she would do or say. She went on a rant about how all authors feel a power and other N stuff, so I challenged her again. The thread disappeared very quickly. My punishment was a letter saying I had breached rules. I noticed that some of my comments on other threads have disappeared, and she ignores my comments now, except to delete the odd one. Light still believes she a world expert on NPD and what a therapist should do and say. I think they are both using multiple names to post as there are still new members almost daily, plus much a few of these members post are almost identical to older posts and threads. The forum needs to be closed down, but no doubt those two will start another one. Just look for a forum that advocates EFT done at home is a cure all for all psychological problems that will give Danu away whatever name she calls herself.

    1. Thanks for the update.

      Unfortunately, a lot of people in the throes of psychological hell seem to gravitate towards these bogus "therapies." EMDR is another one (rapid eye movement) that has no basis in fact, only anecdotal evidence that can easily be explained by the placebo effect or the simple fact of momentary distraction. You can get the same effect by trying to concentrate of a traumatic event while a baby is screaming on the other side of the room--as your attention is more and more drawn to the screaming infant, your sense of distress will diminish, not because the baby's crying is therapeutic but because your attention is being drawn away from the distressing image or memory. It is nothing more than simple distraction, but people are always looking for a miracle cure, something fast and painless, that will save them from the rigors of real healing through bona fide means. There will always be heartless charlatans like her out there, and there will always be desperate, hurting people out there for her to prey on.

      I have heard from others the same thing you are suspecting that they are padding the site with ringers--perhaps her book revealed more about her than she planned? Apparently she asked forum members to go to Amazon and give her a good review (without even reading the book) and that was the lightbulb moment for a few with respect to her character. Personally, what she should have done is offer a couple of dozen free advance copies to the forum members on a first-come, first-served basis if they would promise to review it within a certain number of days. That would have put the colour of legitimacy on it...but it would have cost her money and if there is anything I have learned about Tracy, it is that money is dear, dear, dear to her heart.

      Thanks again for the update. Keep well!



    2. Today I had a good look around the DONM website here's what's I found
      She uses the site to promote her EFT - a cure all for everything, when it comes to things like abuse this type of thing should be done under professional supervision.
      She has a list of books for DONMS her book is on the top of the list of highly recommended books followed by lights book - to me grandiose self promotion like that is N.
      There is no mention of Dr Carol McBrides book Will I ever be good enough, yet on the Forum that's highly recommend by forum members.
      Light seems to have become the forum expert on what a therapist should say and do and if they don't do exactly what she suggests then she says together a new T, scary considering she's not a trained therapist and from her comments is very anti Ts. I wonder if this is a covert attempt to get forum members to buy into Danus EFT which seems to be a cure all for everything. She also recommends on the web page only one site for fibromyalgia suffers which is some sort of brain training that's he claims many forum members have recommended. Yet she doesn't suggest some very good Fibromyagia forums which are free. But then again she doesn't even suggest other forums related to being a DONM.
      What worries me is how many vulnerable people are being drawn into her forum on an almost daily basis and within a week are glorifying daunt and light.
      The more I vist the site the more I'm seeing site that's run by two Ns whose honesty and integrity is appearing more and more questionable.
      I wish there was some one who could interview Danu publicly on what has been said about her, on u tube a live interview says so much more than one on paper.

  7. Thank you, Anon, for the update. I just wish we had some kind of insight into the laws in Ireland so we can shut this site down...surely it cannot be legal for her to offer therapeutic intervention without proper training and licensing!

    I agree with you about their honesty and has been nonexistent in my mind since the day they banned Beccas12 without warning and refused to even have the courtesy to respond to her panicked pleas for explanation. No real DoNM would treat another in such a way. I am not a mental health professional so I can't diagnose them, but their behaviour sure fits with the published criteria for NPD. Too bad we have to get burned by them before we can see what they are.

    Thank you again for this update.



    1. Ok wait for it this one is a goody. A member who joined in September has suggested other members donate to Danus site as a Christmas gift and also purchasing books through the amazon link on the site so Danu gets a kick back. for me this really takes the cake, why would anyone want to donate to her site. She is now running a tapping healing group at acost mind you. She has this in her signature line which is bigger in size her posts. Every time I go on that site I see more and More N behaviors by the moderators Danu and Light. Every time I see a post by either of those two, I feel like Im obliged to put my nhand in my pocket, bit like those annoying telemarketers asking for charity donations. It will be interesting to see what Danus response is to the members post.

    2. Do NOT be surprised if that "member" is either Danu or Light in disguise, or one of their Flying Monkeys.

      When I was on the site there was a very emotionally fragile woman in the forum--I will call her Ellen--who Danu used mercilessly. She told Ellen that another member was an N and that Ellen should cozy up to her and then report back what that member was saying/doing. Ellen did just that and the other member was eventually banned. Here's the really tragic part--that other member was actually a real psychologist and she was trying to help Ellen, but the help she was giving her was not in DANU's best interest. Ellen was also used by Danu and Light to spread lies about several members, calling them Ns and holding Danu up as a hero and champion for getting rid of the Ns. This is EXACTLY what my NM used to do, and it was as a result of finding out about this that I decided that Danu and Light are dangerous Ns and people need to be warned about them.

      You can see a story about my NM doing this here:

      Seriously, it would not surprise me AT ALL if Danu herself was behind this!


I don't publish rudeness, so please keep your comments respectful, not only to me, but to those who comment as well. We are not all at the same point in our recovery.

Not clear on what constitutes "rudeness"? You can read this blog post for clarification: