I really had not planned to put any energy or time into dealing with Danu Morrigan/Tracy Culleton beyond the warning posted in “Beware these sites 1” (above). But something new has come upon the scene that compels me to devote both energy and time to her, her website, and her dreadful dreadfulness.
In February of 2010, while my father was dying in Oregon and I was laid up in bed with a broken foot in South Africa, just weeks after having been forced to move hundreds of miles from my home of six years, leaving my friends and the support they offer behind, Tracy Culleton (aka Danu Morrigan) banned me from the DoNM website with no explanation. This cut me off from the on-line support group that was virtually my only contact outside of my home, and two days later, my father died. Tracy was aware my father was dying as I had mentioned it in posts on the forum.
A few days before I was banned I had been chastised for putting up a “graphic” post in the “My Stories” section. My mother was a malignant NM and abusive physically as well as emotionally; my post was removed with the admonition that it might “trigger” someone, which I thought was odd—isn’t that what a support forum is for? To bring up old crap in a safe environment where we can help each other through it?
Shortly thereafter Tracy’s flying monkey “Light,” who (like Tracy) has no credentials on the subject other than an ability to Google, cut and paste, and then modify uncredited works by others to fit their own ideas, posted an article in which she claimed that if your parent physically abused you, she was not an N because Ns don’t do physical violence and therefore you do not belong in the forum. I knew better and I thought this was peculiar—and like it was pointed directly at me! I dismissed that as being paranoid but later was able to see that it was a manipulative bit of gaslighting…
A highly credentialed psychologist who was a member of the forum wrote a gently phrased contradiction to Light’s claim and she was almost immediately banned; I wrote to Tracy in support of the psychologist and Tracey wrote back saying I had a “good point” and she would discuss it with Light and get back to me. Later that day I was writing a new topic for the forum when it started acting sluggish. I logged out and logged back in, only to find I was banned. Neither the psychologist nor I were ever given a reason we were banned which, to both of us, smacked of the behaviour of our N mothers. Later, through contact with other women who stayed on the forum, the psychologist and I were to learn than Tracy and Michelle (Light) had labelled us narcissists and proudly claimed we had been routed out and kicked off the forum…another behaviour eerily reminiscent of a narcissistic parent’s blackening the name of the scapegoat child.
Hundreds, if not thousands, of women have joined this forum over the years it has been operating. Some have left voluntarily but many, many others have been summarily ejected without explanation or even warning. Every person I have spoken to or read about who experienced this was traumatized by it; for one person it was the last straw and she ended up hospitalized with a mental breakdown. For everyone who experienced this callous dismissal, this abrupt and unexplained rejection, it was a painful experience, many of us being thrust back into that whirling emotional maelstrom that was life with a narcissistic parent.
A few of us were either angry or upset enough to blog about it, to write about it, so seek other resources on line. Tracy eventually got wind of those of us who didn’t crawl quietly into holes to lick our wounds and decided to write a rebuttal to claims popping up all over the web that she and Light were narcissistic frauds. She put it on her site but, of course, provided no space or opportunity for those she maligned in her rebuttal to correct both subtle and overt untruths... no place for comments, good or bad. I thought about writing a rebuttal to her own when it first came out, but then decided there was enough information out there for an interested person who had access to Google and left it at that. Until yesterday when I discovered that “Danu Morrigan” had written a book and it is about to come out on Amazon 17 July and the book is entitled You’re Not Crazy—It’s Your Mother!
Now I am not taking any bets on where she got the information that will make up the basis of this book, but I am expecting that she will use anything that was published on her site by the users…and without the permission of the original writers. Those who left voluntarily may have taken their posts down, but Tracy’s husband owns the site and the portal (and the servers) that the site runs on, so you can bet that even if you removed your posts, there is a back up on those servers that she has easy access to. So much for privacy and confidentiality, eh? She has definitely put her “metaphor” for farming her clients to good use: we were all so much cattle from which she milked the material she needed to write the book…and many of us paid her for the privilege of spilling our guts into her word processor through PayPal donations, submission to her EFT blandishments and buying Amazon books through her site.
Over the next few posts I will be putting up Tracy’s rebuttal to accusations of abuse of forum members and I will be picking it apart with the truth. Whenever possible I will provide links to materials written by her victims telling of their banishments and how they felt. Because she is using private pain trustingly written in hopes of solace to line her own pockets, I am revisiting this emotional vampire on the main page here, and I encourage you to do your own research as well.
It is difficult to deal with a narcissist when you are a grown, independent, fully functioning adult. The children of narcissists have an especially difficult burden, for they lack the knowledge, power, and resources to deal with their narcissistic parents without becoming their victims. Whether cast into the role of Scapegoat or Golden Child, the Narcissist's Child never truly receives that to which all children are entitled: a parent's unconditional love. Start by reading the 46 memories--it all began there.