It is difficult to deal with a narcissist when you are a grown, independent, fully functioning adult. The children of narcissists have an especially difficult burden, for they lack the knowledge, power, and resources to deal with their narcissistic parents without becoming their victims. Whether cast into the role of Scapegoat or Golden Child, the Narcissist's Child never truly receives that to which all children are entitled: a parent's unconditional love. Start by reading the 46 memories--it all began there.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Some days this is very discouraging...

I don't expect praise. In fact, I was shocked and surprised when I even got comments, never mind nearly 100 subscribers. But what I still seem unprepared for are people who claim to be the children of narcissists who write to me and chew me out as if 1) they have a right to dictate what I write and 2) they know my mind, my experiences, and my motives better than I do.

There is an email program on this blog for a simple reason: some people have something personal to say, something they cannot abide to reveal on a public site where their Ns might see it. The email was to give people privacy to express thoughts or feelings that they were not ready to say publicly. Imagine my surprise when I started getting emails that essentially dictate what I should/should not say on my own blog!

I expect people to take exception to some of the things I say…I also expect these people to have the courage to say it publicly, as I have put myself out there publicly. If you must impugn my ethics, at least have the guts to say it in a public forum where others can weigh in…I give everyone who reads this blog an equal opportunity to respond to my thoughts…how can my detractors justify doing anything less? Just yesterday I received an email saying that my tabs warning people away from a pair of sites I know for a fact are less-than-above board, taint the rest of my work. What? So in telling people that the bridge ahead is out, I am somehow tainting everything else I say? Warning people of danger is wrong? Did I just step through Alice’s looking glass??

It feels like I have fallen back into NarcissismLand, where up is down, black is white, wrong is right, and reality is what the controlling N deems it to be. Objective reality is invalid and only the N’s perceptions have validity. Another email (actually a series of emails) with a purported ACoN left my head spinning. Her entire correspondence was so narcissistic I was slack-jawed: scientific studies, peer-reviewed journals, academic and scientific rigour took a far back seat to her own perceptions: those were reality for her and science and investigation be damned. “It works for me and that is proof enough!” she claimed, completely dismissing such things as the placebo effect...and then topped the whole thing by accusing me of being “close minded” and “sophomoric.” Yet, for some reason, she persists, email after email, trying to change my mind with her personal experience (known in research as “anecdotal evidence” and completely without value), despite my having repeatedly said that when she shows me the studies that support her view, published in peer-reviewed journals, I will revise my opinion. Not good enough…for some unknown reason, my buy-in to her delusion is of the utmost importance to her and she persists. This creepily reminds me of more than one N I have known…

Believe it or not, I actually spend a lot of time researching the subjects I write about. I used to work in the biotech industry and I was also employed by a dietician who wrote articles for magazines and industry publications: I actually know how to conduct bona fide research on the internet and how to track a concept reported without any attribution back to the scientific study that gave rise to the report. In many cases, I have enough knowledge of the specialized language to determine if the report is accurate or if it has misinterpreted the study…or, in some cases, completely disregarded it. I know the difference between “junk science” sites and bona fide sites such as PubMed, NIH, CDC, etc., and I can read scientific journals on the web and do research through them. In other words, the years I spent in Silicon Valley’s biotech industry have not fallen out the back of my brain: the research skills I learned there, the ability to read an article and synthesize it for my boss, my ability to suss out suspected anomalies, research further, and to draw accurate conclusions based on my research is alive and well.

This is not to say I do not make errors. I am human and I am as prone to errors as anyone else. And I welcome corrections, assuming they are honest corrections of error on my part, and not that I have stepped on someone’s personal pet belief. We all have our pet beliefs, but do we have the right to not only impose them on others, but to excoriate them when those others’ beliefs run contrary to our own? And especially on their own turf?

I don’t expect praise, or gratitude or anything, really. I am gratified and surprised and pleased to receive comments and emails from you, I am grateful to have just one regular reader, let alone 99 of you. But after a lifetime of having the very core of my being discounted, demeaned, diminished and devalued, I find it very difficult to come to terms with people who think it is OK to come in here and use hurtful language to tell me I am wrong about things simply because they disagree…especially after I have spent hours—sometimes days and even weeks—doing the research that brought me to my conclusions, and they are operating on nothing more than personal belief. To be called “sophomoric” by a person who has done no research whatsoever on a subject I researched extensively (one of those “weeks long” projects) is just beyond the pale.

I don’t mean to squelch disagreement because I welcome it and the dialog it opens. But what I do mean to squelch is the “You are wrong because I believe something different” approach to dialog. That is like telling me that I am wrong when I say Santa doesn’t exist because you saw him yourself when you were eight years old. Perceptions may be our own subjective reality, but those perceptions, if not objectively researched, do not necessarily carry the weight of truth. When you put it to a scientific test and your perception is not supported by the science, what do you do? Do you alter your perception to include the science or do you cling to your perception and try to browbeat others to step back from the science and into your perception? This last has been my experience of the last two days, being the browbeatee, and after a while it really calls into question just why do I subject myself to this?

One of the things that I believe provides value to this blog is the fact that I do do research, I am cognizant of junk science and can repudiate it, and that I am willing to change my position if the research proves me wrong. I am heavily fixated on truth and am willing to change both my opinions and beliefs if the state of the scientific art shows I am wrong. I have a retentive memory and excellent logical and deductive reasoning skills. I am able to take my own perceptions and use my research skills to either validate them or find the truth. It is an ongoing journey for me, something I expose to the public through the blog rather than keep to myself as I once did. Believe me, blog or no blog, the research and writing continues because this is how I figure things out. By publishing this blog, I am letting you in on my processes. I reveal personal pain and how I cope with it, what I do to assuage and relieve it, what I learn through my research and how I synthesize it so that I can incorporate into my understanding. I share this with you and I share it without reservation and so I am surprised…and sometimes hurt…when someone takes this carefully crafted gift and critically throws it back in my face.

And it makes me wonder if it is worth the effort I put into writing things up in a publication-worthy format (as opposed to several pages of notes and half-sentences), the time I spend crafting sentences that are not so dense and convoluted as my thought processes, the work I put into making things coherent and cohesive and illustrative. I don’t mind disagreement…what is life without some disagreement? But to be told that if I don’t agree with your perception, I am close minded, that is something else. And to be told that the compassionate exercise of my ethics is wrong, that I should just let others fall into the hole that hurt me without warning them…that to exercise those ethics taints the rest of the blog…that is just too much.

And it makes me wonder if maybe it isn’t time to put this project to bed.

29 comments:

  1. Hey Ms. Violet. Do not put this project to bed. It is vastly helpful to many people. Someone emailing you, who hasn't the courage to state her disagreements as courteous comments, isn't worth getting upset about. As the survivor of an admittedly minor hazing campaign from a small gang of bullies, I've had a taste of what you're describing. I got horrible nasty emails too, and threats of "outing."
    The web, as my friend CZBZ puts it, is the Wild West, and for every one person who wants to shut you up there are far more who want to hear what you have to say and appreciate the care and time you take to write. hugs, CS

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    1. Thanks, CS...I guess the real factor that got to me was the persistence of this individual in "dogging" me. I deleted her last email unread and did not reply. Hopefully that will end it.

      It just goes to show that, no matter how far along that healing path you are, triggers still exist. My NM did not allow any disagreement and this brought that up...no amount of reason or rationale or reality would penetrate, and then I was accused of "invalidating" her with my opinion! Too much like NM's tactics for me.

      I'm letting it go and moving on. Am working on the post answering your question about emotional detachment and resilience...

      Delete
    2. Ahhh, excellente muchacha! That person 'dogging' you belongs in the spam doghouse.

      Delete
  2. Violet, I have found your blog to be infinitely helpful. You write from a very personal place, but you knowledge and understanding of the subjects has helped me to more clearly understand some of the trickier subjects of narcissism.

    I do hope that you'll let this person's emails go and realize that you've come across one of those pointless situations. You can't agree and they won't let you agree to disagree. It is very much like many of the narcs I've encountered too. I've found it to be a waste of time to deal with such nonsense.

    I look forward to you next post!

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    1. Thank you, Jessie. What an insightful person you are...and I am working on the next post. Should be up in a couple of days.

      Delete
  3. Don't...put this blog to bed. Don't cash in to someone who obviously doesn't respect others and obviously has narcissistic qualities themself.

    I had this happen to me before....I've had my Lady Nyo Weblog only 5 years, and a horrible SADIST and Narcissist....and more so...a psychotic ...tried very hard to shut me down. He also had his 'girls' *(as he called them...and they weren't girls, they were lost women...) flood my blog to convince me I was worth nothing. HE had the truth. He was insane.

    Hah! You just weather these slings and arrows and go on. One thing I have learned, is that there are crazy people out there, and pure opportunists. Recently, a blogger, named "Gurutruth" contacted me about a comment I had left 3 years ago. Apparently he "loved" my comments (all of two on his blog) and wanted me to comment more. Apparently no one else did. I told him to read my blog because I respected responses, too. He grudgingly said..."Oh, I'll try to find the time". He didn't. LOL! One way street with him...and I will never comment there again. Not worth it. I have value as so do you!

    My point is, there are all sorts of people out there...and you just have to step over them. I used to take all the insults to heart, and boy were their insults! Especially from other writers! LOL! But now? IF people read my blog...I am grateful...but not enough to bend my opinions to hash with theirs...IF they are wrong in my experience. We are writing from our experience, and it is legitimate. I, too, find your writing very helpful. It helps to find kindred souls out there!

    Cheers!
    Lady Nyo

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    1. Thank you. Your point about writing from my own experience is well taken. Because for all the research I do, it all comes back to my own experience...the research clarifies it, explains it, validates it (or, in some cases, shines the light of truth on misperceptions on my part)...but it all comes back to what having a narcissistic mother did to me and how I cope with it...

      Like you, IF people read my blog, I am grateful. And, at this late stage in my life, particularly with the research and verification I spend so much time doing, I am also not inclined to bend my opinions to the demands of others when my experience and knowledge tells me they are wrong. That is where integrity comes in...I value my integrity highly and do nothing to damage it.

      Thanks for taking the time to write. I appreciate it very much.

      Delete
  4. IMO, that's what the "Delete" key is for! Anyone who keeps insisting on attempting to engage in some fruitless "because I said so" stuff has an agenda-and it's not a discussion, it's not a disagreement and *it's not what it manifestly appears to be about either.*
    If I want to read Journal-ese, there's plenty of them available. I very much appreciated your "Sites to Avoid." Others have also been generous with their on-line experiences as well and those two sites are particularly infamous. You caught my attention with "46 Memories." I'd much rather hear from another adult who has lived in the trenches than one who learned about it-sort of-in a classroom: Experience trumps words any day.
    Ultimately, as long as your writing gives you a sense of satisfaction, enjoyment, meaning, please keep doing it. So much was taken from you by so few at such early stages in your life, before you even realized what was rightfully your's-and always was. Just the concept that not believing or feeling as someone else does somehow makes you "close minded" is teleological reasoning at it's most "sophomoric."
    TW

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    1. " *it's not what it manifestly appears to be about either.*"

      This is what my mind keeps going back to, and why I think this person may have either a bad case of fleas...or worse. She seems fixated on gaining my agreement, it seems to have some kind of importance to her well beyond the simple fact that we hold opposite opinions on a topic. It is as if the validity of her belief is somehow diminished without my buy-in and she went so far as to say that I invalidated her "from the beginning" through my disagreement.

      In truth, this reminds of me Ns I have known, people who MUST have a consensus from those around them, in order to feel that they are right...and we all know how Ns are about being wrong. Why this person seems to need buy-in from me, however, is a mystery. Perhaps she perceives me as an authority figure and my disagreement shakes her confidence in her position? I dunno...but she has tried just about every trick in the book, from flattery to accusations of invalidation, to get me to agree with her. And I agree with you, TW, it isn't really about the issue around which it swirls, but something interpersonal with her.

      But why ME? There are plenty of people who believe the same way she does, people who drank the Kool-Aid and who believe their personal experience is the ultimate authority...why tilt at the windmill of someone who demands verification through scientific method? Is there some kind of validation she needs through conquest? People like this, ultimately, scare me because reality and reason cannot penetrate their self-induced delusions, because they refuse to allow reason and reality to disrupt them. And that, I am afraid, sounds very narcissistic.

      I hope she's not, but the more I ponder it, the more it seems she is.

      Delete
    2. "This creepily reminds me of more than one N I have known..."
      There it is! Even if I can't articulate exactly why I feel the way I feel, if it's that same ol' familiar feeling, in my experience that's fundamental *self-preservation* based on decades of N-Wrangling kicking in and begging for my attention. I've ignored it at my peril particularly when I could find no logical/intellectual basis for it. It takes years to build confidence in ourselves, our perceptions and more challenging yet, in what our gut is telling us. (At least it did for me.) I believe you've mentioned Gavin DeBecker's "Gift of Fear" (a real classic) and this is *exactly* the phenomena he addresses through out his book.
      Being honest about the reality Cluster Bs do go forth and multiply, they do horrific stuff to their kids and their ACs-behind closed doors, of course-and that Legacy follows us into our adult lives is going to infuriate a whole bunch of crazies. Before this technology we all thought we were the only ones, somehow fatally flawed and without recourse.
      HA!
      Now we're exposing them, limiting contact or terminating the relationships-FOREVER. Your kids were kidnapped with unfortunately horrible results: You're not the only AC who has endured this type of particularly sadistic behavior by an NP. I can not begin to convey the profound sadness I felt reading through your Memories and the ensuing nastiness inflicted by your NM and her minions in your adult life.
      There's not one of us who would ever wish to be in this cohort of ACs. We did not start at the same Starting Line as those who grew up with non-Cluster B "parents." We're way too old way too young. We're well trained to be prey to any Predators who come along. And I'll say it again: We're born hard wired to bond with our primary caretakers; that's just science, not "feelings." It takes years of concerted effort to destroy that bond, to destroy any hope of having some sort of relationship with them. There's a ton of grieving over years; righteous anger evolves as we allow the full light of reality to pierce our rock-solid, unquestioned, NP-instilled belief that somehow, it was US who were fatally flawed. No! In fact we were raised by Terrorists who hid behind a socially sanctioned "title." Our efforts to launch ourselves into adult life are once again sabotaged in every possible way (and again, often behind closed doors) and then held up to the rest of the world, re-written in such a way to garner more pity/sympathy for the REAL Perp(s). They are the most vile, evil, disgusting, parasitic, self-preserving excuses for "human" I've ever encountered.
      OK. I'll put my soap box away. ;) Please keep exposing their tactics. Please keep telling your truths, your experiences, your observations. Personal integrity knows truth intimately. The gifted, the generous, the stalwart share the ugliness, the perfidy in all it's stunning nastiness. Those who see their tactics unmasked are the unrequited Predators: They'd argue with a stump if they couldn't coerce it into being a shrub simply because it "offends" them by it's very presence.
      TW

      Delete
  5. Your writing is very open, and demonstrates abilities of introspection, reflection and personal responsibility that the narcissists in our world fear and disdain. It is your kind of objective and honest attitude which most endangers them - you might have hit too close to home? Also, after you asked what we wanted to hear, maybe people took you up on your offer and decided to "help" by "fixing" you, since narcissists try to fix what least needs fixing? Can you even imagine a narcissist having the balls to openly and gently do what you did in that article (no orders or finite statements, and totally unaffected)? As far as having 99 members, I strongly doubt there aren't many more who are frequent visitors to your site - please keep up the blog.

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    1. Thank you, Katy. I had not considered that some N might take my invitation to suggest topics as an invitation to remodel me, but it makes sense.

      I am actually working on my first response to that invitation to tell me what you want to hear and should have it up by the end of the week.

      Thank you again.

      Delete
  6. I happened onto your site tonight for the first time. I was on the last paragraph of The Harpy's Child (first discovered about 4 years ago), rereading that paragraph to steady the internal balance after another, ceaseless, harrowing scene with the weeping victim, and found your site with your "copy" of The Harpy's Child "annotated." I had discovered some years ago that I was not alone with the narcissistic mother. I discovered tonight that I am not alone in finding solace from having an "annotated" version of The Harpy's Child. If this site did not exist, I would have not have had that self-affirming moment. I hope you soldier on.

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    1. Thank you...and with affirming comments such as this, how can I not?

      Delete
  7. Oh, Sweet Violet. ...May we all please relieve our stunned silence with a burst of laughter now? ...You just told it like it is, Lady, and you say it better than anyone. Hands Down.

    :-D

    Whoever wrote that email MUST be a very MN on the prowl for fresh Nsupply.

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    1. You know, THAT did not occur to me but now that you say it, it makes all kinds of sense!!

      Thanks so much!!

      Delete
    2. Nooooo. Sweet Violet, what I am saying is that you write so well, the precision of your argument... really, it made me laugh.

      Ok, and now I was just about to launch into my defense, but I guess I don't have to do that. Anyhow, I spent the last hour tapping out my story on your more recent post. But I exceeded the character limit. I wanted to tell you how helpful you advice about taking responsibility is for me.

      I am reeling from being dumped by my MNH. He stole all the $, left me penniless, and he is living hi on the hog with FM, who are my family mostly, enjoying my home.

      It's the rescue thing that really hits home. I don't know how to clean up his mess. I'm so raging furious TANTRUM mad that he can get away with this, and yet the judges, legal system, it's all honkey dorey with them.

      I am just so glad you are here.

      Delete
    3. Is there a reason you have to clean up HIS mess? Is there a reason HE cannot be made responsible for it?

      Just be responsible for yourself...be your own hero. One of the most amazing post-therapy discoveries I made was that when I acted as my own hero, a bunch of them started popping out of the woodwork! I came to the conclusion that these people are not drawn to the wounded and needy, but the strong and self-sufficient. And to be your own hero, you have to behave as if you are strong and self-sufficient until you really are. I have since learned to be VERY wary of those who are drawn to the needy and broken because something is broken in them, as well---and too often, that brokenness is manifested as narcissism.

      I walked away from a 13 year relationship with a pre-teen Asperger's child, no job, no income, no money in the bank and a house that was falling down around my ears because my Nhusband refused to do or pay for maintenance on it. I made it anyway. Necessity is the mother of invention: you have necessity, now it is time for invention!

      Hugs,

      D

      Delete
    4. I come back to your website almost every day for the solace I get. Thank you so much for your reply. This is so helpful, I haven't sufficient words. Not even a month has gone by, and still I feel debilitated some days, so being able to read your advice is lifesaving. Truly.

      Delete
  8. Don't stop because of a bad apple, please! I very much enjoy reading your thoughts. They are a relief to me. All of your experiences aren't the exact same as mine, but many are and that has been the biggest eye opener and relief, knowing I am not a crazy person all alone with crazy-making thoughts about a narcissistic family. I, too, look for legitimate evidence before settling on an opinion. It not a surprise for ACoN's really,we are looking for the "real" truth.

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    1. Thank you, Sarah. I really do appreciate the encouragement.

      Delete
  9. "No Good Deed Ever Goes Unpunished"

    I've had my share of criticism, even diagnoses (I'm a narc-sympathizer; I'm a psychopath; I have BPD; I'm a cerebral narcissist; I'm an opportunist; I'm a codependent enabler). But the most unreasonable of the list was 'opportunist'...ha!

    If you believe your work has value,that it helps you make sense of your life, and you feel a desire to help other people who are walking your path, too---then keep writing and wear armor. *grin* You're a wonderful writer with deep insights about the narcissistic mother. Your voice is important for other people to hear; but in my experience, your voice is crucial for you to hear.

    Nothing has taught me more about myself, my opinions, my personality style (where I needed work and where I'd achieved relative success), like corresponding with anonymous people. It's one thing to get along with our neighbors who are on their best behavior because they've invested their life savings in property.

    But on the Internet, people are not invested in the relationship so their criticism can be beneficial, as long as it isn't abusive. Everyone has their own definition of abuse but where I draw the line is: death threats. As long as it's not a death threat or a bully brigade picking on good people, that's the risk we take in finding our voice and daring express it.

    You've been blogging long enough to have good friends reaffirming the value of your work which says a lot about the connections you've been able to make--despite anonymity. Those are heart connections, SweetViolet. The numbers of people coming out to speak in your behalf is a lovely thing to see! You've given so much, you deserve their support. Keep writing...

    Hugs,
    CZ

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    1. I'm with CZ here. Only "bully brigades" and/or death threats, and even those are straw men (usually, when they're left by anons on blogs by people who don't know who or where you are, even if they think they do). You've been out here for awhile. Your blog is one of the mainstays (along with CZBZ's N-Continuum and the forum WoN). It's important that if and when you stop blogging, it's not because of some idiot emailing you insisting her/his belief is the only right one. If and when you are ever ready to just put it to rest, do it for yourself. In the meantime, even though you may feel fallow on the topic for stretches of time, keep this resource here please. There are way more people reading, who never comment, than you can even know. xo CS

      Delete
  10. Hello, I am over 40 and still suffer from being a scapegoat. I am Christian and am a bit scared of that other lady's site because of what I read. I am atm frozen and cannot function anymore. I am very lonely and nobody can take being around me all the time as I have pretty much had a complete mental break. I need help. I believe I am so far gone there is no hope for me ever getting better and maybe I need to be institutionalized as I want to be protected from mean people. Please don't stop as I don't even know what to say as I had never been able to defend myself against my mother and nobody believed me. I have forgotten many terrible things that have happened to me. I want revenge but then I don't want to hurt anyone. I want to help people but everyone hates me and I haven't got the skills. I want to be normal but I am a pain in the ass and nobody can stand me. :(

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    1. First of all, if you think being institutionalized is going to protect you from mean people, you better think again. Not only is it going to put you into an environment FULL of mean people, it is going to put you in there with no avenue of escape. If you are institutionalized, control over your life is put into the hands of others and, as nice as some of the staff might be, the other patients are not there because of an over abundance of niceness, and a lot of the staff, jaded from dealing with those people, are short on empathy and patience and want only compliance from the patients, no matter how they have to get it. You would not only be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, it would be a fire you could NOT simply walk out the door to get away from.

      Nobody is beyond help without their own complicity. That means that you are beyond help ONLY if you decide it--and that puts responsibility for your situation squarely on YOU. You have choices and abandoning yourself is one of those choices...but you have many, many more. The very first choice you can make is that there is hope, and that hope can be found in the office of a competent therapist. You can choose to find and regularly visit such a therapist...or you can choose to be a victim and bleat for people to feel sorry for you, to take care of you, to pity you. I am not a person given to that...I know you have options and opportunities you are either not seeing or refusing to see...so open your eyes.

      NOBODY is going to rescue you...you have to be your own hero and rescue yourself. That can be tough when you are depressed, but believe me...NOBODY is going to take better care of you than you take of yourself, so open your eyes, get on the web, and find yourself a therapist and GO. Nothing gets better in your life until YOU decide to make it so.

      You may not want to believe this, but YOU have a power nobody else in the whole world has: the power to make your life better. If you sit around waiting for somebody to rescue you rather than exercise that power, you end up exactly where you are right now: depressed and despondent. So, since waiting for the knight in shining armour isn't working, how about you change up your game plan and try something new? Go see a therapist and take control of your choices and therefore your life.

      Hugs,

      Violet

      Delete
  11. Hello Violet,

    I am a adolescent, however, I have never witnessed narcissism in the way you or others have (my family is loving and kind towards me). I hope this does not shadow me out. I have suffered a unhappy school years, which made me feel so helpless, over-react to stuff, afraid to accept something, use excuses and such.

    There are people who are jealous of your writing, and they will put you down so they feel better about themselves. They are jealous of the people agreeing with you, and will do something to comfort their jealously. I loved it how you spoke to them on this post, and not ignore them and let them wonder "hey, why did Violet not respond?". Telling the reason is always better then ignoring, even if they do not change for the reason. One day, when they actually think deeper, maybe they'll remember the reason and regret not changing for that.

    I first came to your blog when I was searching for some info to write in my persuasive text. Reading your post inspired me so much, and now I regularly come and check back your blog and search up things about nassism. You speak so logically, truthfully, personally and teach me so many things. Thank you so much, you are my idol. :)You are also so brave to express your thoughts so openly and truthfully.

    I usually don't come forward and express my gratitude to someone online, but you've touched my heart. Thank you and PLEASE don't stop writing this amazing blog for people who are simply idiots with thinking. You are the one who inspired to make my own (private for now) blog about myself dealing with online gaming and I know, and others have shown to prove it, that you have changed many people with your acts of bravery. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Lots of wishes and happies and hugs and cups-o-tea (or coffee, or water, or juice..what ever you like :)),
    -Anonymous

    P.s I agree with that quote SOOOOO much! I put so much time in a particular place online, poured my thoughts into it. It frustrates me to see the community I was introduced to change so much in month, with spoiled show offs comming in, people twisting and over-exaggerating everything, people making fake stories to gain sympathy and people praising people who wrote extremely short/lack of quality writing.

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  12. Hi, do not put this to sleep. Many people love your blog and get comfort and courage from it. I know that as a child my father who was psychotic and involved with the Kray gang in London, was so unstable that I would do something to start him off so that it was over and done. Daily beatings with a belt and buckle. My brothers had broken bones where he would pick them up and throw them, or concussion as he was a heavy weight boxer. I married at 19 and fled to Australia with a kind, sensitive and generous man. He knew my background but he decided to run the gauntlet to marry me. I am now in my 50s and still wake screaming or crying even though I thought it was over. Now I'm disabled but truly, sincerely and fully loved. I get told at least once a day where before I was an idiot, fat, useless waste of oxygen. I believed I was a nothing and nobody. I believed I was ugly and no one would want me, but I can look at my wedding day photos and family life photos and now I see a beautiful, blue eyed, blonde, me. But more than that I see kind eyes and a loving smile. If you weren't there who could we tell. Sincerely and with love xx thank you from my heart.

    ReplyDelete

I don't publish rudeness, so please keep your comments respectful, not only to me, but to those who comment as well. We are not all at the same point in our recovery.

Not clear on what constitutes "rudeness"? You can read this blog post for clarification: http://narcissistschild.blogspot.com/2015/07/real-life-exchange-with-narcissist.html#comment-form