It is difficult to deal with a narcissist when you are a grown, independent, fully functioning adult. The children of narcissists have an especially difficult burden, for they lack the knowledge, power, and resources to deal with their narcissistic parents without becoming their victims. Whether cast into the role of Scapegoat or Golden Child, the Narcissist's Child never truly receives that to which all children are entitled: a parent's unconditional love. Start by reading the 46 memories--it all began there.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

The Troll Attacks--

I have been the recipient of an unpleasant and trolling email.

When I tried to respond, the mail bounced back, so it qualifies as a "drive by"--an attack from someone who is ensuring that s/he will receive no information that might pry open their shuttered little mind and inject something contrary to what they have decided is the truth.

In the FB group I regularly remind people that in seeking support, you must also seek truth. Many ACoNs believe that their Ns intentionally targeted them, that their behaviours were for the purpose of hurting them. But in most cases, this simply is not the case: Ns are self-focussed and their behaviours are intended to advantage themselves--if you happen to get hurt as a result, that is fallout, not their intent. Yes, they lack empathy and don't care that you are hurt, but they didn't spend your tuition money on a new Louis Vuitton bag for the purpose of hurting you, they did it because they wanted the bag and there was all that money, not yet spent...

Yes, you were treated badly and you deserve--and should seek--support for that. But supporting your feelings, acknowledging you were ill treated and hurt, is different from assigning a reason for a person's behaviour. To heal, you have to seek the truth and embrace it, even if it is contrary to what you want to believe.

My drive-by correspondent has received information from a person who is angry with me, a person who has not told the truth. My drive-by correspondent doesn't want the truth because she has denied me the opportunity to respond. So here is what my bounced-back email said:

"There are two sides to every story. You reveal your character by accepting one without ever hearing the other."

1 comment:

  1. Nope. Nmother has made it her life's mission to destroy me while adoring my golden child brother. It's intentional.


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